Cumbria Solicitor Warns of Fathers Day Upset

Next week millions of children will be making Fathers’ Day cards at schools and nurseries, but some dads will never get the chance to see those cards.

For parents who are separated, organising gifts and cards for the ex might seem unthinkable, but according to one Cumbrian childcare law solicitor, parents who are less than positive about their other half are causing their children unnecessary stress.

Simon Mortimer from Burnetts Solicitors in Carlisle Cumbria is a member of the Law Society Children Panel and an accredited specialist member of Resolution. With over twenty years of experience in advising couples who are separating, Simon has seen plenty of bitterness, but he says children cope best when parents can be positive about each other and that includes helping to choose cards and gifts on Fathers’ Day, Mothers’ Day, birthdays and Christmas. 

“Children quickly pick up on negatives and it isn’t enough to be neutral. Parents who want to help their child through the separation and beyond, have to work together. Typically where mum is the main carer, there might be no positive comment or questions about the child’s weekend visit to dad. The child can end up feeling that there is something wrong with them enjoying the company of dad which makes handovers for contact very stressful for a child”, says Simon.

That’s why maintaining positive contact through gifts and cards helps the child to feel it’s okay to enjoy being with both parents. Apart from putting children in a difficult position, the lack of cards and gifts is viewed badly in courts.

Simon said, “If contact has to resolved in court, judges look at issues like whether or not positive contact has been maintained. The child is the focus of the family court and a parent who cannot put their own feelings aside will not look good to the judge.”

Several research studies have emphasized the importance of parents maintaining a positive relationship and it is widely agreed that the quality of relationships between parents and children and between parents themselves is important in helping children adjust to life after separation (see note 1). A poor relationship between the separated parents is understood to add to the difficulties in establishing successful arrangements for contact between the child and the non-resident parent (see note 2).

Sometimes there are very good reasons why contact arrangements can’t work. Simon explains, “Where there has been domestic violence between the separated parents, it can be far more difficult to establish a working contact relationship. Indeed in some situations it may not be in the child’s interest for contact to go ahead”.

For further information on child care issues during divorce or separation, contact Burnetts’ family law solicitors on 01228 552222 or visit the child care law section of Burnetts Solicitors' website.

End

8th June, 2007

For further media information contact Angela Huck on 01228 552222.

Notes to editor:

1. Supporting children through family change: A review of interventions and services for children of divorcing and separating parents: Hawthorne et al., 2003
2. Joseph Rowntree Foundation at www.jrf.org.uk/knowledge/findings/foundations/314.asp
3. Membership of Resolution commits family law solicitors to resolving disputes in a non-confrontational way. Visit www.resolution.org.uk for more information.