8th October 2025 ❘ Legal News and Commentary
Who gets the kids at Christmas? What to think about when creating amicable arrangements for children when parents separate
Who gets the kids at Christmas? What to think about when creating amicable arrangements for children when parents separate…
Summer is behind us and we have officially moved into the season of jumpers, Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Strictly being back on TV screens. The start of the ‘ber’ months also heralds one big thing…… Christmas is coming.
Christmas can be an exciting time of the year full of food, festivities and time spent with family and friends. But it can also be difficult, especially if you’re navigating your first Christmas since separating from your spouse or partner and particularly if you’re a parent facing the question of who gets to spend Christmas with the kids.
As a private family solicitor, I hear this question a lot! Is there a law around it? Do we always have to have the same routine every year? How do we make it fair? The answer…The power in most cases really is in the hands of the parents. In the first instance, the responsibility of finding arrangements that work for the children and parents is really up to you. While it may not be the easiest conversation to have, it’s not a conversation that you should put off – before you know it, the festive period will come around. My view is that it is best to give the issue as much time as possible.
Following the recent split of Cat Deeley and Patrick Kielty, they released a public statement saying that despite their separation, they intend to “continue to be united as loving parents to our children”. This is so promising to hear and it’s always a strong foundation on which to work. My advice when it comes to children cases is always to focus on the idea that regardless of parents’ feelings towards each other, it is usually the case that they will remain linked for several years, be it via handovers, school plays, graduations, proms, weddings…The list really is endless. So I would always advise that if possible, parents make a real attempt to reach an agreement themselves, and if possible to do it without the involvement of the Family Court.
In the words of Sir Andrew McFarlane “taking proceedings in the Family Court should be the option of last resort, rather than, as it is seen by many, the first port of call.” I entirely agree with this statement, and I would always advise my clients that once you’re in the court arena there is always a risk that we reach a point where a third party will have the power to make decisions regarding your children. In any event, unless there is an exemption which would apply in your case, the court is continuing to mandate attendance at a ‘MIAM’ before placing a matter in front of the court. (More information about what a MIAM involves can be found here). While there will always be cases which need to progress to the court arena, my view is that parents know their children best. Ultimately, every parent wants what is best for their child and knows what will work for them. That’s why I recommend that the first thing that parents should do is sit down with each other and try to come up with a plan.
Many cases that come to Burnetts often benefit from the use of a professional family mediator who can act as a third party to discussions and see if parties can agree to a plan which will work in the long term. For example, on the topic of Christmas, parties can alternate who gets the big day every year, or you could agree to split time on Christmas day, the options are endless, and you can do what will work practically for you. What will be doable for you is a crucial factor and one that I think is often overlooked in early stages. It may well be the case that you can agree a 50/50 time split, but who will travel to who, does your plan fit around work commitments? These are all factors which will need to be considered, and the initial task of establishing a plan can often be more complicated than people first think.
Our Family team at Burnetts has vast experience in handling a variety of children matters and can help you navigate the steps to reach an agreement which will work long term, for not only the parents but importantly, for the children too.
Outside of the practical arrangements of day-to-day life, there is a range of other issues that will also need careful thought – for example, what is the children’s bedtime, are there any rules that need to be put in place around topics like homework, what should you do in the event of an emergency? These are a sample from a long list of important matters that you should consider when reaching an agreement.
If parties can reach an agreement amicably then they can draw up the agreement into what is known as a ‘parenting plan’. A parenting plan is a written document which can be signed by both parents and outlines the arrangements for the children. The plan can cover topics regarding the children which have already been agreed upon. While not legally binding, such an agreement can be formalised into a consent order by the Family Court should parents wish to explore this route in the future.
Having a plan is crucial when it comes to raising children as separated parents, and it is always easier if parents can agree to a plan without the involvement of the Family Court. As a final note, I would remind parents that it is always easier to vary a parenting plan as circumstances change than it is to vary a court order.
If you’d like advice relating to a children matter, then please feel free to get in touch with us on 01228 552222 or hello@burnetts.co.uk and ask to speak to a member of our Family team to set up an appointment. We’ll be happy to guide you.